Just an insane guy!

Three men were discussing aging on the steps of the nursing home.

"Sixty is the worst age to be," announced the 60 year old. "You always feel like you have to pee. And most of the time, you stand at the toilet and nothing comes out!"

"Ah, that's nothing," said the 70 year old. "When you're 70, you can't take a crap anymore. You take laxatives, eat bran - you sit on the toilet all day and nothing comes out !"

"Actually," said the eighty year old, "Eighty is the worst age of all."
"Do you have trouble peeing too?", asked the sixty year old.
"No ... not really. I pee every morning at 6AM. I pee like a race horse - no problem at all."

"Do you have trouble taking a crap?", asked the 70 year old.
"No, not really. I have a great bowel movement every morning at 6:30."

With great exasperation, the 60 year old said, "Let me get this straight. You pee every morning at six o'clo ck and take a crap every morning at six thirty. What's so tough about being eighty?"

To which the eighty year old replied - "I don't wake up until ten!"

Simple enough for a joke to get real..!

Two friends are walking in the jungle.
Suddenly a tiger appears in the distance running toward them. One friend pulls a pair of 'Nikes' out of his bag and quickly puts them on.
With a surprised look, the other friend says, "You don't really think you can out run that tiger with those?"
"I don't need to out run the tiger", his friend replies, "I just need to run faster than you".

Dumb sports quotes

Chicago Cubs outfielder Andre Dawson on being a role model: "I wan' all
dem kids to do what I do, to look up to me. I wan' all the kids to copulate me."

New Orleans Saint RB George Rogers when asked about the upcoming season:
"I want to rush for 1,000 or 1,500 yards, whichever comes first."

And, upon hearing Joe Jacobi of the Skins say, "I'd run over my
own mother to win the Super Bowl," Matt Millen of the Raiders said, "To
win, I'd run over Joe's Mom too."

Torrin Polk, University of Houston receiver, on his coach, John
Jenkins: "He treats us like men. He lets us wear earings."

Football commentator and former player Joe Theismann, 1966:
"Nobody in football should be called a genius. A genius is a guy like Norman Einstein."

Senior basketball player at the University of Pittsburgh: "I'm going to
graduate on time, no matter how long it takes."

Boxing promoter Dan Duva on Mike Tyson hooking up again with promoter Don
King: "Why would anyone expect him to come out smarter? He went
to prison for three years, not Princeton."

Lou Duva, veteran boxing trainer, on the Spartan training regime
of heavyweight Andrew Golota: "He's a guy who gets up
at six o'clock in the morning regardless of what time it is."

Chuck Nevitt, North Carolina State basketball player, explaining
to Coach Jim Valvano why he appeared nervous at practice: "My sister's expecting a
baby, and I don't know if I'm going to be an uncle or an aunt."

Frank Layden, Utah Jazz president, on a former player: "I told
him, 'Son, what is it with you? Is it ignorance or apathy?"
He said, "Coach,
I don't know and I don't care."

Shelby Metcalf, basketball coach at Texas A&M, recounting what he
told a player who received four F's and one D: "Son, it looks to me like
you're spending too much time on one subject."

What a JOKE !!!!

Plan For Future:

Teacher asks children, what do u wish 2 do in future?

Ram: I want 2 b a pilot.

Vinod: I want 2 b a doctor.

Deepa: I want 2 b a good mother.

Ravi: I want 2 help Deepa.

Such brillaince.. much appreciated :)

Cheers,

Subra :)

TATA Nano, not so Big in fact!

Well, what have I got to say about the $2,500car, so called worldwide, or the 1-lakh car out here @ India.. hmm.. a pretty cute offer to what it seems to be, but hold on.. the TATA nano cannot be accepted as the replacement everyone's looking for.. points?

1.Purposeful, but still an extremely basic edition, well..i ll ask this : can u sit and watch doordarshan live all day? when the guy next door turns onto Ten Sports, or even Ten sports channels??

2.Very cheap, yes.. am going to buy it.. but.. hold on..!! its still in the production stages, gonna get distributed only by the end of 2008 on all outlets!! Hooray!! what a start for the new year.. i mean, the next!

3.TATA cars, have the reputation of being extremely solid.. yea.. go on, go drive the petrol edition of TATA Indica.. and u'll understand..its 'rock-solid', nonethless more.. and ohh.. another car called Nano.. much cheaper.. i'm gona get stoned for sure..

4.Simple and efficient, yeah.. 600 odd cc for such a car... press down on the acclr.. you're overtaken on all sides by an 125cc lml vespa.. whats the use.. india aint that poor! We can afford an Alto in such a case..

5.Headlines "TATA motors-reveal the cheapest car on earth,solar system.. etc etc...", well.. people from Norway had momentarily forgotten that Indians were struck by poverty.. why at all remind them??

6.Once again Headlines " has much more space than maruthi 800, alto, dot dot dot.. ".. yea.. i ll question them in return!!.. do u sell only car outfits? or.. is there free space @ the engine section too???

7.And if you are still reading this, i mean.. the best part is.. Nano means small.. not big.. so.. TATA nano.. nothing BIG!! Really :)

Disclaimer : the above published post.. is meant for pure reality purpose!

Cheers!

Subra..

Best forms of questions and answers

1. Did you take a bath?"

"Why, is there one missing?"

2. "Are you chewing gum?"

"No, I'm John Smith."

3. "I want to buy a dress to put on around the house."

"Yes, Madam. How large is your house?"

4. "What are you going to be when you graduate?"

"An old man."

5. "I spent three years in college taking medicine."

"Are you well now?"

6. "Do you say a prayer before you eat?"

"No, we don't have to. My mother is a good cook."

7. "I've got a surprise for you, honey. I brought a friend home for dinner."

"Who wants to eat friends?"

8. "We are having mother for dinner, darling."

"Make sure she's well done."

9. "I want some rat poison."

"Should I wrap it up or do you want to eat it right here?"

10. "It seems that everything I say to you goes in one ear and out the other."

"Well, I guess that's why I've got two ears."

11. "May I hold your hand?"

"No, thanks, It isn't heavy."

12. "Does water always come through the roof in this place?"

"No, sir, only when it rains."

13. "When will you straighten out the house, dear?"

"Why? Is it tilted?"

14. "Do these stairs take you to the second floor?"

"No, you'll have to walk"

15. "Now that you're married, you should have some insurance."

"But why? My wife isn't dangerous."

16. "I have changed! my mind."

"Thank heaven! Does it work better now?"

17. "Would you like your coffee black?"

"What other colors do you have?"

Hunt for the most spoken - language !!

10.French 129million

9.Malay-Indonesian 150 million

8.Portugese 191 million

7.Bengali 211 million

6.Arabic 246 million

5.Russian 277 million

4.Spanish 392 million

3.Hindustani 497 million

2.English 508 million

1.Mandarin 1+ billion (Surprising)

Note : Mandarin is the language of the Chinese which is also regarded to be very tough when compared with english, so.. no comments.. they still rule :)

Cheers,
Subra

Some Easy Quizzy ones..

1. What programming language is GOOGLE developed in?

2. What is the expansion of YAHOO?

3. What is the expansion of ADIDAS?

4. Expansion of Star as in Star TV Network?

5. What is expansion of "ICICI?"

6. What does "baker's dozen" signify?

7. The 1984-85 season. 2nd ODI between India and Pakistan at Sialkot - India 210/3 with Vengsarkar 94*. Match abandoned. Why?

8. Who is the only man to have written the National Anthems for two different countries?

9. From what four word expression does the word `goodbye` derive?

10. How was Agnes Gonxha Bojaxhiu better known?

11. Name the only other country to have got independence on Aug 15th?

12. Why was James Bond Associated with the Number 007?

13. Who faced the first ball in the first ever One day match?

14. Which cricketer played for South Africa before it was banned from international cricket and later represented Zimbabwe ?

15. The faces of which four Presidents are carved at Mt.Rushmore?

16. Which is the only country that is surrounded from all sides by only one country (other than Vatican )?

17. Which is the only sport which is not allowed to play left handed?

Answers : In a week..!

Cheers,
Subra..

Udurawana Joke! Funny in a sense :)

BRAIN TUMOR
Doctor: I regret to tell you that you have a brain tumor.
Mr. Udurawana: Yesss!!! (jumps in joy)
Doctor: Did you understand what I just told you?
Mr. Udurawana: Yes of course, do you think I'm dumb?
Doctor: Then why are you so happy?
Mr. Udurawana: Because that proves that I have a brain!

WHILE IN GRADE SCHOOL
Teacher: What is 5 plus 4?
Udurawana: 9
Teacher: What is 4 plus 5?
Udurawana: Are you trying to fool me, you've just twisted the figure, the answer is 6!!

WHILE IN A DRUG STORE
Udurawana: I'd like some vitamins for my grandson.
Clerk: Sir, vitamin A, B or C?
Udurawana: Any will do, my grandson doesn't know the alphabet yet!!

MOM'S DEAD
Udurawana: (crying) The doctor called, Mom's dead.
Friend: Condolence, my friend.
2 minutes later
Udurawana cries even louder
Friend: Now what?
Udurawana: My sister just called, her mom died too!

QUEUING BEHIND HIS FRIEND AT AN ATM MACHINE
Friend: What are you looking at?
Udurawana: I know your PIN number, hee, hee.
Friend: Alright, what is my PIN number if you saw it?
Udurawana: Four asterisks! (****)

HOW MANY MAN
Friend: How many women do you believe must a man marry?
Udurawana: 16
Friend: Why?
Udurawana: Because the priest says 4 richer, 4 poorer, 4 better and 4 worse.

CHATTING WITH HIS FRIEND
Friend: How was the tape you borrowed from me, is it OK?
Udurawana: What do you mean OK, I thought it's a horror film. I didn't see any picture.
Friend: What tape did you took anyway?
Udurawana: Head Cleaner.

ATTENDING A MEETING
Colleague: Sorry I'm late. I got stuck in an elevator for 4 hrs because of a power failure.
Udurawana: Thats alright, me too...I got stuck on the escalator for 3hrs.

SPELLING LESSON
Udurawana's Daughter: Dad, what is the spelling of successful. is it one C or two C?
Udurawana: Make it three C to be sure!
(Actually Udurawana had pretty three daughters)

Racism.. well supported!

This Scene took place on a British Airways flight between Johannesburg and
London. A white woman, about
50 years old, was seated next to a black man. Obviously disturbed by
this,
she called the air
Hostess.

"Madam, what is the matter," the hostess asked.

"You obviously do not see it then?" she responded. "You placed me next
to a
black man. I do not
agree to sit next to someone from such a repugnant group. Give me an
alternative seat."


"Be calm please," the hostess replied. "Almost all the places on this
flight are taken. I will go to
see if another place is available." The Hostess went away and then came
back a few minutes later.

"Madam, just as I thought, there are no other available seats in the
economy class. I spoke to the
captain and he informed me that there is a seat in the business class.
All
the same, we still have
one place in the first class."


Before the woman could say anything, the hostess continued: "It is not
usual for our company to
permit someone from the economy class to sit in the first class.
However,
given the circumstances,
the captain feels that it would be scandalous to make someone sit next
to
someone so disgusting."

The Hostess turned to the black guy, and said, "Therefore, Sir, if you
would like to, please collect
your hand luggage, a seat awaits you in first class." At that moment,
the
other passengers who were
shocked by what they had just witnessed stood up and applauded.